Blogtober - Day 13

What if...? It’s a question I think of probably more than the average person. What if I’d done this instead of that...what if I’d not done this at all? I probably spend too much time dwelling on it which makes me a little sad at times.

I went to university in London before very reluctantly moving back home. It’s been 4 years since I graduated now (where on earth did that time go?!) and I still spend too many hours of my day to day life dwelling on the thoughts of what if I was still living in London. Truthfully, I’m not as happy as when I was in London. I know my circumstances have changed a lot which may influence that too, I’m now working 9 hours a day compared to 2 hours a day of lectures. However, things like the spontaneous trips to the theatre, the going to concerts in a weekday, the meeting up with friends for dinner - it’s all gone since I moved back home. London just has more of a spontaneous vibe. If you’re living within the M25 border, you’re pretty set for getting into central London at whatever time of day on public transport. Whereas now I’m back at home (and I don’t drive...) my whole life has to revolve around running plans around my parents which is insane now I’m in my mid twenties. This is even before having to work out the logistics of actually getting anywhere! I live quite rurally, so for example to go somewhere mid week I’d have to book time off work or book a hotel and set off for work early the next morning, top all that with an extremely infrequent bus service and it’s all just a logistical nightmare. It’s just a whole other world to London living.

I talked to a friend about this not so long ago. About what if things were different and we had both moved in together in London? How different both of our lives would’ve been or are we both just stuck in the London bubble? Would we have been as happy there working full time jobs or would the lack of money, small flat, packed commutes all just drive us out of London? It’s all in the past now and realistically neither of us will probably end up moving back but it does make you wonder what would have happened if things had been different.

Perhaps I do spend too long dwelling London. Part of me thinks I should just bite the bullet and move back yet another part of me thinks I could be so happy around where I live if I just accepted things more and stopped dwelling on the past. The same principle applies for say a new job. I spend too much time constantly thinking about the what ifs. I’m not happy in my job so I should just apply for another - simple? Oh no it’s not. I sit thinking what if I don’t like it as much, what if I move to (insert location here) and I hate the area, what if the people are horrible, what if I can’t do the job, what if, what if, what if! It’s ridiculous. I spend so much time pondering all the what ifs that I never bother getting my backside into gear, stop worrying about the what ifs and just get on with things and worry about the outcomes later. At least that way I wouldn’t be thinking what if as I’d have tried to do whatever it may be.

Once again it’s another waffled blogtober post. This is something that’s been on my mind a lot lately so I thought I’d try write some of my thoughts down. Hopefully I’m not the only one who has constant what if thoughts!